"They tried to make me sign a pre-nup / I said 'no no no'"
7 Comments Published by H on 21 May 2007 at 11:21 AM.
Reportedly Mr. Amy Winehouse's words, not mine. Yes, Dame Amy of Winehouse is now officially Duchess Amy of Civil-Engineering (or something like that).
Anyway, I am off for seven days in the sun (more like a few days as the weather forecast for Gran Canaria is looking suspiciously drizzly) so I wanted to post the answers to my IMDb quiz before I come back addled with sunstroke:
1 // Hit by bus / Mathematics / Suspected lesbian - Mean Girls
2 // 2500s / Kicked in the crotch / Terraforming - Serenity
3 // Frozen river / Audio cassette / Poetry - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
4 // Herpetology / Child bride / Scrabble - Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events
5 // Sunglasses / Thick accent / Scale model of city - Hot Fuzz
6 // Language barrier / Title spoken by character / Christmas card - Love Actually
7 // Body waxing / Asthma / Heiress - Hitch
8 // Bathhouse / Identical twins / Environmentalism - Spirited Away (or indeed the Olson's Bette Midler biopic, don't you know?)
9 // Pop music / Misfit / Funeral - High Fidelity
10 // Nazi experiment / Narration from the grave / Rubik's cube - Hellboy
How many did you get right? Right, have to finish packing now, pip pip!
Damn, I'm stupid. Although I can't remember anything in particular about Mean Girls, I have to admit. I did think about HellBoy, although I can't specifically remember any 1980s toys therein. Duh, and how could I forget Eternal Sunshine from my long list of films featuring frozen bodies of water (everything from It's A Wonderful Life to King Arthur)? *hits head off desk repeatedly re Spirited Away; not all bathhouses feature Bette Midler as entertainment*.
Poor Amy. Although I'm sure when she does divorce him and lose all her money she'll be able to write a whole load of songs about it. She could always murder him. That would not hurt her creative muses either.
Surely somebody should be making Daddy Cool: The Movie soon and giving Michelle Collins some work? Please? Or failing that, there's a new American TV series about Sarah Connor from the Terminator movies, another role she could play with ease. I want to see her crushing men's heads with her bare hands, while singing.
Have fun in the sun, or a blast in the slightly overcast!
I realise there's not much point commenting here while you're away, but I just have to express my dismay at the following, from the Daddy Cool Wikipedia page: "It is unlikely at this stage whether the musical will ever be mounted in the UK once again."
I must bow to your The Feeling knowledge. But what's the point in marrying one of the Feeling if he's not going to write you pop songs? Maybe it would be trickier for Sophie to marry the gay one, but surely gay men are sufficiently fond of her that it wouldn't be much of an issue.
I'm not sure if writing about Sophie and the Feeling is why people think I'm a girl. I certainly want you to get a bubble perm and ginger hair and generally turn into Carol Decker. The album is astonishingly 1980s-ish.
I am considering getting the Rihanna album, but since my music buying is almost entirely random (whatever's cheap in HMV or just buying stuff off Amazon because I'm bored at work and I can order with One-Click and never ever remembering what I went into a record shop for), who knows what my next purchase shall be? Although I'm not sure I approve of all this good girl gone bad thing. What's wrong with good girls?
And umbrellas make me sad, for various reasons involving umbrellas being left places like buses and lecture theatres. Once when I was young and impressionable I accompanied a girl I knew into town to buy an umbrella after her mother had ranted for hours about how she always lost everything like that that she had, and then me and the girl (Rebecca) chose an umbrella and then it rained and she put her brand new umbrella up. Then we got on the bus to go home and she asked me to make sure she didn't leave it on the bus and then we got to her house and got off the bus and we left the umbrella on the bus. So you see why I have MIXED FEELINGS about Rihanna.
(And don't even get me started on Unfaithful, though I think that was off her last ablum).
The video for Umbrella is very stylish but all the water flying around makes it look like an antiperspirant commercial or something. And does not overcome my umbrella-related feelings of regret and nostalgia. She should do a German version though, "Unter meinem Regenschirm - Schirm - Schirm". Either that or write a song about those little plastic rain hats that grannies wear. I'm sure that could be a metaphor for something.
I am impressed by your essays on Rihanna and The Feeling. I'm mainly listening to/downloading cheesy early 1990s indie nostalgia, but may take a break to acquire Rihanna at some point. Since it sounds very moral. I don't want any good girls to die forever. It sounds like something out of Peter Pan.
I'm not sure what Sophie Ellis-Bextor would be like as a best friend. Especially as she seems to be in the category of women who have a broad face and therefore don't eat anything ever. Ick, I'm sounding like Heat magazine. But it seems she goes nice places on her holidays.
Somebody on Diaryland who I added as a friend read my diary and thought I was a girl. Although I did correct her. And a while ago annanotbob said she thought I was a lesbian. Someone else thought I was a lesbian in my old diary too. I've not heard Avril's multilingual girlfriend, although I notice her MySpace page is selling it in Mandarin, Portuguese and German as a ringtone. I really want to hear it in German. "Hoy Hoy, du du, Ich könnte deine Freundin sein!" I could shout that cheerleader-style. In fact, let's just ban English as a language for pop songs. And ban French as well, just in case.
Why do people think you're a lesbian? I've never thought that (although I've never met you). Do you secretly have shaven hair and Ani Di Franco CDs and dungarees? (With polka dots?) Or just because you're not married yet?
But thank you for not thinking I'm lesbian.
I imagine being Lady Amy's friend would be a difficult task, unless you enjoy the smell of vomit. But she does need a loyal companion to spend all her money before Mr Civil-Engineer can get his hands on it. And that's a lot of gin to drink. I think if there's any British celebrity I could imagine killing her husband and then being acquitted in a dramatic trial, it's Princess Amelia. Um, maybe I'm just letting my mind run away with me.
Sophie would be much safer to be friends with. She does strike me as someone who's reasonably intelligent and doubtless well-raised. I could almost imagine her reading a book. I'm not sure if I really approve of people singing songs about their babies - there's a book to be written about female singers who become crap when they have kids but it doesn't seem to have adversely affected SE-B.
The BBC claimed Paris Hilton is in solitary confinement. I would have thought that would make her disappear entirely. There will be nobody there when they open the cell door.
I wish the Guardian would stop plastering stories about Big Brother all over their website. Though the Telegraph isn't any better despite them having the excellent front-page headline "Old WW1 vet is 111".
You're currently favourite to win the squid. Especially as I have your address *evil laugh*.
You are the only person in London who I've never met, out of the entire population of the city, including portions of Surrey and Kent. I was visiting you and you were living in a converted warehouse with lots of wooden stairways. This young man was trying to get in and kill/kidnap you, but we blocked the doors and called the police. Two men arrived suspiciously quickly, claiming to be police men. They chased us up and down the wooden stairs and I was shot. I don't know what happened to you, but I'm sure I gave my life so you would escape.
In pink clothing, I've never got beyond the occasional stripe in between more sober colours. I don't think it's really my best colour. And it doesn't fit with my inner goth. But I'll be sure to follow your advice about pink lipstick next time I feel the need to dress up as a female pop star or Judy Finnegan (pink bringing out the colour in my eyes? I do not have pink-eye!) I do seem to be spending a lot of time discussing crossdressing for somebody who is currently wearing a t-shirt and jeans.
Ick, so you're now looking like an Egyptian queen? Is that better or worse than Emily Strange? You'll just have to cut your own fringe. As long as you do not bathe in milk. (Was it asses' milk she went for? I'm not sure how many asses there are in south London.)
Maybe the lesbian gangs stole Paris's food and she couldn't eat. Maybe she is always surrounded by lesbian gangs. Although if I was a lesbian gang I can think of people I would rather kiss and cuddle with.
Ha, there's nobody less like Gene Hunt than me, even in dreams. I'm strictly running around panicking and being scared, rather than drinking whiskey, packing a gun, and making politically incorrect remarks about women's arses. But any time you need me to die for you, I'll do it, as long as it's not going to result in any actual death, just in me waking up and looking a bit confused for a few seconds.
Poor Paris is back in jail! I'm not quite sure what a gang of lesbians would actually be like. I'm thinking possibly like a motorbike gang, except female, and with short hair. Maybe I'd recognise them if they were surrounding Paris Hilton. Possibly they would be doing some form of handicrafts or sitting in a circle and singing. Maybe Paris was worried the lesbians would mistake her for wicker. (I am sorry, lesbians, for cruel stereotypes.) Maybe they can send Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan to the same gaol.
I feel a bit embarrassed writing my 7th comment on this blog entry of yours. I guess I could email, but it would be better if you wrote some further reflections on la musique pop and la comtesse Maison de Vin.
You should wear a wig. I don't think I can recommend cutting your hair short underneath it, because if I did then you'd probably do it for entirely unconnected reasons and then I would feel bad. But you could have Avril Lavigne's red wig from the Girlfriend video.