missprint

Yes, today's Pop Revival belongs firmly to the band who have now become the international symbol for Danger! Reality TV Careers Go Down The Dumper Quicker Than You Can Say "It's All A Bit Karaoke."



Ah, One True Voice where did it all go wrong? That's obviously a picture of them in happier times, though what they were celebrating and punching the air in victory for, I'm not quite sure as there was really no point in their short-lived career that was worth celebrating. Except perhaps the entire lyric of their second single, Shakespeare's Way With Words. Sample: "Don't know much but I'm not thick / Know nothing much at all / But I do know one thing / I love you, really love you / And I'd give anything to tell you how I feel inside."

Anyway, I know you must be asking yourselves why on earth I have spent a significant proportion of my day today scouring the internet for One True Voice's past glories. In the grand tradition of procrastination, I have decided that far more important than the remaining 4000 words of my dissertation (not to mention the additional 7500 words that I have to write for other essays) is the Everything You Wanted To Request At The DJ Booth But Were Too Afraid To Ask CD that I have been meaning to make for Meg. So, two hours of my afternoon were spent looking for some quality pop dumper tunes to go on this compilation. I also seem to have developed an inflamed throat. These events may not be entirely unconnected.

Everything You Wanted To Request At The DJ Booth But Were Too Afraid To Ask

1 // Where Are You Baby? - Betty Boo
Obviously in no way is this an embarassing track but I find this track rather scarce on the dancefloors of London.
2 // U.G.L.Y. - Daphne & Celeste
When Daphne & Celeste first emerged, I considered myself much too cool to give them and their (cue indie-sneer) pop music any sort of recognition. Obviously, since then I have lost any semblance of musical pride and I've fully embraced the genii of Daphne & Celeste. Anyone who sees fit to include the lyric: "In your ear with a can of beer / Up your butt with a coconut" is to be the subject of idolatry.
3 // Maria (Un, Dos, Tres) - Ricky Martin
Whoopa!
4 // Bodyshakin' - 911
They used to perform this on tour in fatsuits. AMAZING.
5 // Let's Get Ready To Rumble - PJ & Duncan
It's Ant, it's Declan. They're a duo. (A twosome.) They've so many lyrics, they're frightened to use them. (Pop Fact Partners in crime, who never did time; a sentence for them ends in a rhyme. PSYCHE.)
6 // Steam - East 17
Outside it's raining but inside it's wet. Indeed. (To my chagrin, I have belatedly realised that I forgot to include this on my All Time Top Five Songs That Feature Whistling)
7 // Return Of The Mack - Mark Morrison
Only God can judge him apparently. I don't even think that God will forgive him for being the British R Kelly.
8 // Cleopatra's Theme - Cleopatra
In the grand pop tradition of bands-who-had-a-tv-show (see also: The Monkees, S Club 7 and North & South), Cleopatra were launched on their prime-time CITV soap. Frankly, they weren't very good, the lead singer had a rather irritating wobbly voice but the nation was enthralled because there was obviously a lack of bands comprised of siblings hailing from Manchester...
9 // All That She Wants - Ace of Base
a.k.a. the 1990s version of ABBA. They're Scandanavian! They have an extravagantly bearded member! Three of the members' surnames is "Berggren" which is a bit like "Bjorn" (if you squint a little. Whilst drunk.)
10 // Give It To You - Jordan Knight
Jordan Knight is to New Kids On The Block what Lance Bass is to *nsync. (note: not gay but useless and a pop and/or space aeronautical disaster.) However, we shall overlook his pop dumperdom because he made a mucky pop song ("I don't care who leads as long as we move horizontally / Anyone can make you sweat but only I can keep you wet") with lots of squelchy 'space age' noises (remember it was the late 90s) and a fairground carnival intro and outro. Hurrah!
11 // I Want You To Want Me - Letters To Cleo
This is slightly out of place on this CD as I don't think I would be embarassed about asking for Letters To Cleo at a DJ booth but I fear that at I would be met with a blank look. However, yet another track that is sadly scarce on the dancefloors of London.
12 // Summer Girls - LFO
Do you think perhaps part of LFO's failure to set the pop world alight (however briefly) was because their name stood for "Lyte Funky Ones"? Or perhaps it's because they declared in this track that "New Kids On The Block had a bunch of hits / Chinese food makes me sick / I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer / I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch."
13 // Summertime - Fresh Prince & DJ Jazzy Jeff
You gotta love a DJ whose alias (bearing in mind that he can choose ANY name) is "Jazzy Jeff". Anyway, surely for anyone who grew up in the 90s, this is a definitive summer anthem, conjouring up memories of hazy afternoons stomping the pavements in light-up LA Gears.
14 // Re-Rewind - The Artful Dodger feat. Craig David
Yes, in the summer of 2000, Craig David was all over your *boink*.
15 // Flowers - Sweet Female Attitude
Without meaning to sound old-codgerish, garage music (even garage-lite such as this track) all sounds the same to me. It's just all looped vocal ad-libs and that funny jittery beat. (I've officially made myself sound older than I ever intend to be.)
16 // All I Want (Sunship Radio Edit) - Mis-Teeq
It is lost to the annals of pop history that Mis-Teeq were tagged as the British Destiny's Child once upon a time. Granted that this comparison was made on the basis that they were an 'urban' act and that at the beginning that had quite a few member changes. Anyway, they soon transcended that to become the First Ladies of UK Garage-Pop and thus the immortal lines were uttered: "M with the I with the S T double E Q."
17 // Flip Reverse - Blazin' Squad
Many don't acknowledge the trail that the Squad blazed (no pun intended). How many people made an ASBO concept album in 2003? The Squad are also notable for spawning Kenzie who on Jodie Marsh's Wikipedia entry is described as having "the social grace of a sanitary towel" (though to be fair that description also encompasses her other conquests such as Kian Egan from Westlife, so there may be some credence to that claim.)
18 // Feel It - The Tamperer feat. Maya
A Jackson 5 sampling disco-stomper that's about a girl forgiving her love rat boyfriend but declaring war on the 'skank-ho' that he cheated with. Features possibly the best pop threat ever: "What's she gonna look like with a chimney on her?"
19 // 9 to 5 - Dolly Parton
I've noticed that this track has cropped up on one of the Guilty Pleasures compilation CDs, so perhaps the stigma of asking for Dolly's best has been neutralized however, I love this song so much, I aim to get it on every compilation I make.
20 // Are You Jimmy Ray? - Jimmy Ray
Pop mogul, Simon Fuller, fresh from his victory with the Spice Girls decided to take on the niche market of cod-rockabilly teen-pop artistes. "Are you Jimmy Ray? Who wants to know, who wants to know about me?" The rest, as they say, is history.

Anyway, according to my blackboard, I should have spent today WRITING (and I guess I am certainly doing that but it's not quite what my blackboard intended) and so far, no words have been written today. I've come to the conclusion that I may be suffering from some sort of low-level depression. (As evidenced by my declaration to my friends last night: "Let's get hammered!!" only to be met with pitying looks. Such is my life.) Anyway, I fear that you, my dear readers, will have to endure another two weeks of my moaning about work and writing and endless lists of pop music until I finally regain my life back.