missprint

It was with some trepidation that I watched this week's episode of Doctor Who. After last week's somewhat underwhelming episode (possibly my least favourite of the season so far), I was fully expecting all the metaphorical stops to be pulled out. And in terms of fire and guts and things blowing up, Age of Steel didn't disappoint. (Allow me to utilise a shoddy metaphor that I haven't really thought through here...) In many ways, The Rise of the Cybermen/Age of Steel was very much like it's eponymous villains: cold, empty and clunky. There were moments I loved about this episode, moments which made me laugh and cry in equal measures but ultimately, it was a bit of an empty carb of an episode. As ever, review in note form:

- Not so much about the episode but for a flagship BBC show, the BBC aren't treating Doctor Who very well. Could we please just have one transmission time please? I know Eurovision was on this week but what's the excuse for all the previous weeks? (I guess it doesn't really matter much, I'm not going to be here to watch the rest of the season...sob.)
- Production design must have had a job on their hands this week what with Roger Lloyd Pack chewing up the scenery at every given opportunity. Even as a Cyberman, the melodramatic "NOOOOO!" was just a touch Evil Overlord too far. Plus, I just couldn't take the CyberController seriously, mainly because he still seemed to be in a wheelchair (albeit upgraded with some silver spray paint and supplies from B&Q)
- Don't even get me started on the heads exploding and the Cybermen clutching their heads in agony and wobbling around.
- Or even the reaction of the liberated ear-pod people. On seeing a giant slice'n'dice (which incidentally was a total shout-out to the Futurama suicide booth), do you:

a) Scream in a generally useless way, much in the style of Kim Bauer?
b) Scream in a generally useless way, much in the style of Kim Bauer, and leg it?
c) Flatly intone: "Oh no."

- So apparently, in the parallel universe the whole population of London could fit into Battersea Power Station?
- Last snark: I hated the CGI this week. It was just badly done and clunky and overused.
- I know that the CyberBride scene was a little mawkish but I was still in floods of tears like the girl I am. Anything with a RobotoBride is a good thing in my book.
- Speaking of which, I was somewhat disappointed that there were no CyberBoobies on the girl robots, especially CyberJackie who had some hefty clevage going on in Rise of the Cybermen.
- I loved loved loved Mrs. Moore and knew that this was yet another sneaky Whedon trick and she was going to die. Wah. (Although, I must admit that during the underground tunnel scene, I was convinced that she was a CyberMole.)
- I still don't find the Cybermen scary but the underground tunnel scene was terrifying. So apparently, live Cybermen are fluffy bunnies but deactivated ones wig me out big time.
- I'm glad that they didn't hash up all of Rose's daddy issues again. Mainly because I was already crying half an hour before the end of the episode and that would have just killed me.
- Bring Your Own...Gay Subtext Ricky and Jake were so doing it. Apparently Mickey picked up on this too - note what he said to Jake in the van: "I'm not trying to replace Ricky." I don't know though, the moonlight, the underground resistance life and Paris - expect that "If the van's a rockin', don't come a knockin'" sign to be dusted off.
- Oh Mickey you're so fine... Oh Mickey, Mickey, Mickey. You were a minor annoyance at the start and we all wished that you would stop puppyishly following Rose around. Then we felt bad because we started to realise that you had no-one, that Rose was your only family and that she dumped you for a jug-eared man dressed like a U-boat captain. And then we cheered because you saved the day with your techie know-how and stealthy-yet-slimming ninja-wear. I think it's safe to assume that the door hasn't been left open for Noel Clarke to reprise the role as The Doctor expositioned at the end about parallel worlds etc etc. All we can hope for is a Mickey spin off which involves some mano-el-mano action and anvilicious hints in Doctor Who, Torchwood (CLANG!) style. In memory of Mickey, here's a lovely picture of him in happier times:



- Tennant Adoration My! Tennant can rock a tuxedo. That and the glasses, I was just lost. Also, remember how I remarked that it probably wasn't appropriate for me to sneak some Tennant adoration into my essay? "Coupled with the fact that the current incarnation of the Doctor in David Tennant is much younger and attractive to a female audience than previous Doctors, it is clear that the producers of the show are trying to extend their demographic audience beyond the traditional young male and child audience of the old series"

The Idiot's Lantern next week - woo! Excitement on various levels: a Mark Gatiss penned episode; 50s clothing; meta-commentary on the pleasures of TV and Tennant with a quiff, rreow. Sadly, this episode is going to be the last episode I see for five weeks. However, my ill-timed travels around the Eastern bloc also mean that I don't have to watch Big Brother for five weeks and inevitably slip into a semi-comatose state.

As I haven't done much with my day today, I don't have much to write. There is only so much I can write about supermarket shopping; watching Goal! and a quiet evening spent making mix-CDs. So instead, I shall furnish you with yet another list...

All Time Top Five...Songs That Utilise A Medical Metaphor



One // Fever Kylie Minogue*
This, along with the Alexis Strum track at number two, is the track that spawned the idea for this list. The fever/love metaphor is probably more associated with the Peggy Lee track of the same name. Where the Peggy Lee track was all old-school Hollywood smoulder, Kylie's track is kitschy and seaside-postcard sex. From the perky and cute keyboard introduction to Kylie's sex-kitten posing ("I am ready for the news, so tell me straight / Hey doctor, just what do you diagnose? / There ain't a surgeon like you any place in all the world / So now shall I remove my clothes?") this is Kylie at her best.

Two // Addicted Alexis Strum
This is from Alexis's elecropop wilderness years and like Still Standing it is crying out to be covered by Kylie. Features possibly the best pop reference to a dairy product: "I'm a junkie / I've overdosed / On Chunky Monkey / Sweet stuff I need the most." It also has handclaps which as we all know is a vital ingredient for Pop Greatness (see also: Hey Ya!, OutKast; Real Life, Girls Aloud; Mickey, Toni Basil; Come Out 2Nite, Kenickie; Teenage Kicks, The Undertones etc) As her album of the same name never got released, the track is pretty hard to get hold of but it is floating around the interweb somewhere and is well worth the search. (Although it's worth avoiding the comedy dance remix by Xenomania.) An unhealthy relationship never sounded so danceable.

Three // Just Like A Pill Pink
"I can't stay on your life support cos there's a shortage in the switch / I can't stay on your morphine cos it's making me itch / I said I tried to call the nurse but she's being a little bitch / I think I'll get out of here..." I think this is probably my favourite Linda Perry penned track of recent times and certainly a highlight of Pink's second album, the txt-tastic, M!ssundaztood. More bad relationships and dependance coupled with Pink's shouty angst. I have a little bit of a problem with Pink's Feminist-For-Beginners approach and her faux-punk-grrrl-power branding but that's all really theory. I listen to this and Stupid Girls and remember that Pink is an excellent pop star. (Well, what other contemporary pop star can you imagine naming their album I'm Not Dead?)

Four // Addicted To Love Robert Palmer
Er, a slightly embarassing choice, I know. I can quite unashamedly admit to my love of Hanson and the Backstreet Boys but admitting to really loving this track makes me want to hide in a dark corner of the internet. Anyway, it was between this or Kelly Clarkson's Addicted but this won out because this is probably played in Spearmint Rhinos more than Kelly's angst-fest. Also, there's the video without which we might never have had Shania Twain parading her wares in the midst of oiled-up himbos and the 'hilarious' Richard Curtis send-up in Love Actually. Is it wrong that I really want to hear this at a club and bellow along to the lyrics: "Your heart beats in double time / Another kiss and you'll be mine."

Five // Crazy Chick Charlotte Church
A little tenuous I admit but it was either this or Alanis Morissette's I'm Not The Doctor which I don't like very much. Besides, Alanis doesn't make any mention of leather couches, psychotherapy or PhDs (POP FACT: any mention of a PhD in a pop song guarantees a fantastic track. See also: Racy Lacy by Girls Aloud ("I know this girl / She's not too bright / But she's educated in bed alright / She's made seduction a work of art / A PhD with her legs apart.")) Anyway, how could I possibly choose Alanis over this 60s Motown stomper? (Slightly unsavoury tangential note: A friend of mine misinterpreted the lyrics as: "You're driving me to insanity / All the things you do / You make me come on you" instead of "You make me come unglued".)

Also up for consideration: It Makes Me Ill *nsync (disqualified as usage of "ill" was in the street sense of the word); Tired of Being Along Al Green (being tired technically not a medical metaphor, perhaps just a sign of low blood sugar?); Fever, Peggy Lee; Addicted, Kelly Clarkson; Not The Doctor, Alanis Morissette or anything by Alan Fletcher's (a.k.a Dr. Karl Kennedy) band, The Waiting Room.

* Yet more reasons to love this track. This is Kylie's performance from An Audience With... and although the concept of the whole performance is fantastically camp and kitsch, what really makes it is the horrified/indifferent expressions of various members of the audience. Watch as Boy George perfects his lemon-sucking octogenarian impression! See Vernon Kaye's crushing disapproval! Be puzzled at the random woman who appears every so often, wildly flailing her arms about!



Anyway, it's 1:34am and I still haven't watched I Heart Huckabees or Melinda & Melinda yet. Toodle pip.